My husband rapes me, is there a rape in marriage?

Question: This might sound strange, but it is actually what is happening to me and how I felt each time it happens. My husband rapes me. I would not have had the courage to raise this issue elsewhere but reading different people experiences and questions on this site made me to. I once told our pastor who didn’t do anything about it. He said ‘if your husband didn’t sleep with you who else should?’ I felt maybe I did not use the right word to express how I felt. It further hurts me. On several occasions my husband would come home drunk and bounced on me. I always resisted first but he would over powered me and I would give in at the end of the day. The look on his face whenever is doing this always disturbs me. It is not a sex out of love. It is like a sex just for him to satisfy his sexual urge; no it isn’t urge; it is just for his playing stick (penis) to enjoy itself. That look is the look of ‘I would do it with your house maid if you don’t cooperate’ Please doctor or site counselor is there a rape in marriage?

Doctors Response:

Rape is sexual intercourse without the will of one of the parties. Rape is a forceful and unconsented penetration of the penis into the vagina or mouth or anus. Rape is rape, so it can happen in marriage once it is without consent or is obtained by force or threat or by intimidation. In your situation, it is called marital rape which is still an act of rape but the difference is that is being carried out by the spouse. Marital rape is a very controversial issue because of the influence of religion, society and various mythical beliefs about marriage.  Some beliefs have insinuated that woman has no right whatsoever once she gets married. Many religions are also of the opinion that husband and wife are one so the legal right of the woman is suspended once she is married. Many traditions see woman as a property which the man has acquired in marriage. Most of these beliefs affect woman’s disposition to issues like rape when it happens. Three types of marital rape exist. The above example is a ‘force – only’ rape.’ I always resisted first but he would over powered me and I would give in at the end of the day’ There is also violent rape which causes the victim to be injured on her body or on the vagina. Sadistic rape further humiliates the victim. The rapist can urinate in the mouth of the victim, or spill sperm into her mouth. He may further uses other objects to penetrate into her vagina.

In many countries like Australia, Germany, Israel, Mexico, Finland etc. marital rape is a punishable offence but even at that serious care is exhibited on marital rape cases.

In general, many rape victims would not want to talk about it because of the settings discussed above. Many women would keep quite because most people don’t take marital rape to be a rape. It is however the doctor’s responsibility to treat each cases of rape as a rape and pay detail attentions to ensure that the victim is been treated in all areas: psychologically, physically and medically. It is important for victims to report rape cases of any type appropriately. Visit your doctor or consult the site expert for further medical assistance.

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