Struggling with marital Relationship?

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Having marital misunderstanding already?

Relationship after marriage for most couples doesn’t follow the pattern of courtship activities . A film once suggests that a marriage that will stand the test of time would have so many issues to settle in the first year of the union and if they can survive the first year they should have a remarkable union and live happily ever after. The truth is that so many things have to be set in the first year of marriage and failure to do will have major consequences. Issues like finance,number of children, house chores,extended family matters,who pays what when and how?

More secrets will be discovered after marriage ! You might discover your husband snores like elephant, you might discover your wife has been pretending to be a perfect chic and really she is very lazy to even lay the bed in the morning. No big deal! All new discoveries should be sorted as they surface without causing problems. A man might decide to get a house help to clean house and the wife may have to get something to cover her ear to be able sleep soundly .

Contrary to the film ,most Nigeria couples still hide their shady characters even after two or three years or more and with each year another attitude is discovered, that I find mind blowing. That brings me to the point that differences can’t be understood completely through out life time. A once gentle and caring man may suddenly act irrationally when under direct or indirect influences, natural or believe it or not supernatural! This could be vice versa. A woman who was once gentle in behavior could turn into a murderer overnight . Relationship is a complex issue and should be handled as such.


The first key to a successful marriage is your believe. Never give up on change,for better. With that, the strength to address and face each issues and settle amicably whenever the issues arise will be there.Learn to straighten things out , to get to the root of the matter. A marriage with pile up issues is heading for the rock.

Never stops cooking , never stops your money : Even in the midst of hot issue, when is very obvious the man is at fault and he hasn’t apologize, never stops cooking. Man should never stops giving money to cook. If you have issues and he still eats your food then he is passing you a message. If you cook and he isn’t eating then you might need an extra and quick move to ensure he eats. There is a bond in your food and those singles out there know this trick.

Never stays out of bed : Don’t ever leave your bed all in the name of misunderstanding. That is if both of you share the same room. The farther you go the farther the distance you create. Your body will definitely touches when both are on the same bed.

Never say a word that you will regret : Choose words carefully and alter it in your mind before you speech out. Men don’t forget easily,same with some women. You might think a hot sex would cover up those words but it doesn’t work that way all the time.

Resolving issues in a relationship should be both priority :starts with identifying what the challenges are. When you have a partner who doesn’t express his or herself mind there could be problem. Communication is important in a relationship, check on each other from time to time. Ask if there are issues at work, make your partner talk even if he doesn’t feel like .This will work for an introvert partner. Some men feel their wives are not intelligent to understand the complexity of their work. I know the story of a man who lost his memory and his wife had to defend him in the court because she had so much knowledge of what happened in his husband’s office. Communication is very important in a relationship and the little time you have should suffice to settle issues and laugh. While other is talking, other should pay attention, repeat words and don’t show you aren’t interested even if you are.

Do not say no to Sex directly : you can refuse in more appropriate manner, like ‘ can I stand up to shower’ ‘let me check the baby’. Sex is another major issue . When one partner is too tired to see to the need of the other there will be crises. ‘Female wants sex more when they are trying to get pregnant’ said a man. If sex is getting boring who says it can’t be planned. You can spice your sex life. The problem at times maybe the monotonous pattern of going about it. A woman said she likes being caressed first but the husband is only interested in just the penis entering the vagina. The man might feel ‘oh the breast have seen better days’ but common! you contributed to those better days and who says the breast can’t be lifted anyways! Make your sex desirable and unique each time. You can change location or venue of the sex for instance.You might do it in the bath or on the sofa when the kid is sleeping . With adequate planning, a woman would put an extra effort to turn the man on. If there are medical sexual issues you should talk to a sex therapist.

Never sell each other cheap:The way you treat and talk to your spouse is the way extended family will. If you spoil your images getting it back will be practically impossible. Cover each inadequacy to avoid being ridiculed. When there are issues that seems heavy, talk to marriage counselor or your religious leaders who have a settled home. Involving extended family should be the last resort. A joint responsibilities should be created, ‘my family gives you’ not ‘I give you’ even when the fund is coming from one person.Extended family matters is secondary but should be handled with care.


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